The human shadow is the cause of chronic diseases.

There is darkness inside all of us. No matter how perfect your lives have been so far, no matter how desperate you are, you are trying to hide them under the carpet. The darkness inside has tolerantly waited for many years to be acknowledged. Life was patient and kept sending you experiences to realize that there is indeed darkness inside. But no matter how hard it knocked, you prevailed in denying the part of you that is dark, the fraction of your true self that is also most vulnerable.

The purpose of your pain and fatigue.

In my previous blog post about the purpose of pain and fatigue, I wrote how the purpose of fatigue could be to protect yourself from yourself, the darker part inside. Instead of becoming conscious of it, we have stuck with what we now experience as a disease: our darkness. It feasts on our muscles and life energy. It has become a cancer that prohibits us from living. And while we have suffered from these internalized energies for years, we are still in the dark about their existence.

The human shadow

Carl Jung called it the human shadow. He chose this word with care, as a shadow is not something we can grasp; it is not something we can get rid of. Depending on the position of the light, the shadow can change shape and position. The closer you move to the light, the bigger the shadow becomes. Collectively, as a species that didn’t grow up with unconditional love, we have learned to fear aspects of who we are. We have learned to deny the rough edges of our soul, which complete us into our full being. We have learned to cling to the little light and deny the rest of the room. The rest of the room is who we are, as well as trying to let us see it because it is in pain.

Survival

When our moms warned us about hurting ourselves, it was their fear we had to deal with, not ours. When we saw that our anger was not accepted by our caretakers, we learned to bury it. So many aspects of who we are were denied by others and later by ourselves. It was a matter of survival to adapt to society’s standards. We became ashamed of who we are and showed the world a mask of pretense that felt very hollow and real at the same time. We always knew something was wrong, but we couldn’t pinpoint it; it had become so normal. In a world like ours, normal and natural can be opposites. When you deny your own fragments again and again and it sends you signals of unworthiness or loneliness, do you honestly believe you have to find the answers outside of yourself?

The pain inside us

If our pain and fatigue protect us from something, what could it be? I have come to understand that the fatigue is nothing compared to the pain inside us. There is a well with the most frightening feelings and pain inside us. If you dug everything up at once, you would probably die from overwhelming sensations. It took me five years of emotional healing and introspection to arrive at this point in the well. The bottom of the stockpile of what I initially called a stress bucket. The word “stress” itself is ambiguous and susceptible to misinterpretation. Real stress is at the bottom of the stock pile, and it has nothing to do with what you know about the word stress. It is horror, it is dark, and it is preventing us from living. Your body does everything to not let you feel these horrors, as it would completely destroy your self-image. A self-image, a mask, or the ego is a survival mechanism, and therefore confronting your own horrors is equal to death for the mind.

Little drips of darkness

When it comes, it becomes conscious. Many things can happen. Trembling, shaking, shivering, heart aches, migraines, screams, vomiting, gaging, crying, etc. You will know it when it happens. The pain would not be unfamiliar, as you have lived with it for many years. The question is, do you still want to fight it? This is a valid question, as the choice to deny it and live a life of fatigue might be easier. I completely understand the decision that we are unconsciously making. The better question is, when does the fatigue become worse than the actual pain inside? When does the suffering become too much? People with ME/CFS are, in my eyes, the strongest people alive. They are so strong that their bodies become weak.

The divided mind

Dr. Sarno called one of his books, The Divided Mind, which has helped millions of people heal from chronic symptoms. The title could be vague at first, but by understanding how conflicted we are inside of ourselves, we have taken the first step to healing.

Acceptance

We have to admit that we are not as perfect as our masks pretend to be. We are not holy, in the old sense of the word. That perfectionism has enlarged our shadow, as we deep down don’t want to be goodists. We don’t want to please others or live responsible lives. We detest perfectionism and control. Life wants you to live and be free. Our coping mechanisms have imprisoned us, literally. And now, the imprisoned part of us is attempting to kill the prison ward in order to escape. With our last piece of energy, we hold on to our self-image and internalize our shadow. We are rather eaten from the inside than judged from the outside.

Duality

Many “smart” people have to accept that they are not as knowledgeable as they believe they are. Knowledge is often a coping mechanism. We fool ourselves into thinking that knowledge makes us feel secure when our internal world is anything but safe. It forces us to live in the head, away from the body. The holy attic of a house on fire. Knowledge is based on words; words are based on duality, and in this universe, truth can’t be spoken. Everything we can say or think is only a perspective, based on a prism through which we filter the light of consciousness. All perspectives can live together, as none of them are valid on their own. Every perspective needs the opposite; without it, it cannot exist. Together, they form wholeness. Yin and Yang. You must express these two truths. The world is a beautiful place, and at the same time, I want it to burn. I love my family, but only on certain occasions. I want to impress you, and yet I don’t give a shite about you. Both are aspects of who you are.

Healing from your chronic disease

Wholeness is what brings healing. In my language, it is the same word. Just like combining all points of view, we need to combine the shadow with the light. Both will exist; both are allowed. The process of embracing the shadow unfolds gradually. In the lowest chakra, focus on the stockpile. Allow the pain, the anger, the rejection, the fear, the separation, and the shame in your life. Give the inner scream a voice and trust in the wisdom behind the process. Treat yourself as a whole being. Write confirmation that it is okay to be angry. This way, you can reprogram your unconscious mind, and it doesn’t need to be internalized.

The flow of life

Be prepared for the darkness to rise. In the end, all you have to do is get out of the way. Let life do its thing. Understand that any judgment is made out of fear and that to love means to take something as a part of yourself. Fear caused you to split, but love will cause you to heal. You are not a dualistic being. You are oneness—life itself. Healing is in your nature.