FAQ and emotional traps

You are not your emotions!

They might be overwhelming sometimes; try to see if you can observe them. You are not your emotions; can you look at them in the eye of the storm?

I don’t manage to connect with my inner child; what should I do?

Don’t worry. It is not always easy at first. The sessions and tools in the program will make sure it will automatically happen over time. Don’t wait for a perfect connection before you want to continue. When emotions and internal stress come up, it will help you to know about the other release tools that are in the next modules. Remember that the program is not about perfectionism.

My inner child is always happy.

This is very normal in the beginning and happens to many people. The inner child can adapt itself to your needs. It will slowly, over time, soften and open up when you are working on your relationship with him or her. Don’t stall the program. Keep learning the tools.

Do I need to take a break from the program to learn the tools?

No, you don’t. But the 9th module is a bit different, and staying there for a while to catch your breath can be a good idea.

You don’t need to heal an emotion.

Healing means becoming whole again. The emotional work is about reconnecting with an aspect of you that is in pain. You will then feel the emotion and remove your resistance to that aspect. The release is the resistance. Your resistance is the source of stress. Your brain creates symptoms to protect you from an unwanted aspect of yourself, meaning you are at war with yourself.

How much time should I spend doing the emotional work?

I suggest checking in with your feelings on a regular basis. Feeling and breathing through your body is a great habit, and I don’t consider this to be work. It’s a lot more effort to fight yourself and distract. Asking the questions can take some effort in the beginning, but this is really just a tool to learn to feel your body.

If you’re just starting out, I recommend setting aside a maximum of 30 minutes per day for learning the process (release work) and journaling. If you have a big trigger and a huge increase in symptoms, you can investigate a bit longer. Always take a few days off after a big release. It is not always possible to manage a release, but you can check in every day to see if you can. Compensate the emotional work with lots and lots of joy.

Raw and simple emotions vs. complicated thoughts.

Emotions are simple and often need only one or two words to be described, felt, and released. Whenever you are creating a story, you might be having one due to unconscious resistance to feeling the emotion. Many people feel like they need reasoning to justify their feelings, but that reasoning doesn’t lead to release.

Where is it in the body?

Anytime you hear yourself saying, “I feel…) Stop thinking about it and find your feelings in your body. This is what I say to people in coaching all the time, until it annoys them. Talking about feelings is just another distraction and delay.

It is YOUR emotion or feeling.

People often justify their feelings when they point to someone else. This is unhelpful; your feelings are yours, and instead of talking about others, talk about yourself. After you have felt a feeling through, you can implement a new boundary that prevents a similar situation in the future, but maybe it was a very old feeling and it was just triggered. After a release, you may be grateful for the trigger.

Emotions and decisions.

Never make a decision when you are emotional. This is likely another attempt to suppress your emotions. When you do this, you will throw away every stability in your life and make it even more unpredictable than the weather. This will add more feelings of unsafety. Instead, feel it through and let it sink in for a few more days. After that, you can consider a plan of action and use your rational mind to come up with a solution.

Manipulation

In our society, emotions are being used to control people. Making you experience an emotion via the news, for example, can urge you to make a decision or consent to something that won’t be in your best interest. Be aware of this. Everything that will happen as a consequence is eventually nothing more than a coping mechanism to avoid a certain feeling.

Psycho-blockers, medication, and drugs

Lots of medication and drugs block your emotions. Think about smoking weed and antidepressants as the most well-known substances. Doing the internal work becomes harder. The fact that we need these substances already says a lot about the state we humans are in and the cause of the current diseases and symptoms.

Suddenly discontinuing medication can overwhelm you with your feelings and emotions. But you can maybe slightly lower your dose over time. Don’t start the tapering process just yet. When you are really overwhelmed by feelings and emotions, things can become difficult. I recommend learning all the tools before you start tapering your medication.

The great thing about doing the emotional release work is that you will need less medication. Talk with your GP or other experts about lowering the dose if you have a hard time accessing your emotions.

Endless crying

For some of you, the emotions might flood, and you will experience days of crying. I don’t think this is necessarily a bad thing. You can also develop old symptoms that you used to have but didn’t experience for some time. Think of migraines and depression. The best thing in this situation would be to seek help and gain some confidence in the release process. I can support you in coaching, and a somatic practitioner nearby is able to guide you through this phase.

You can think of your body as a stress bucket, and the bucket can be as large as a swimming pool. After years of suppressing tears and stress, there might be a lot coming up. Be very kind to yourself, and don’t push your emotions to come out fast. You have time. You can’t release everything at once. This will be too overwhelming for your system, and you might have a relapse.

Therefore, stop journaling and stop creating a mental story around the emotions; just sit with it. Breathe it through. You don’t have to force yourself to stop crying after an hour; just let it be. Maybe you can distract yourself from your negative thoughts about it and go for a walk, make a painting, etc.

Remember, you don’t have to do everything alone. Ask for help and support.

Malfunctioning organs

When emotions pop up, you can feel them in your body. They attach themselves to organs, and you might experience some difficulty. Think about breathing difficulties, heart rate variability (POTS), bladder issues, kidney issues, limited liver capacity (thyroid problems), etc.

Instead of panicking, the first thing that I would recommend doing is to connect with the emotion and see if you can have an emotional release. Often, it really means that the emotion is almost coming up, and you only need some small effort to release the stressor. After 20–30 minutes, the issue might be resolved, and you can save yourself a visit to the hospital.

In the 8th module, there is another video about this topic.

Overwhelm

When you reconnect with the stressor, it will almost always feel overwhelming in the beginning. You should know that your brain has a very good reason to create symptoms. It perceives it as a danger because it is going to be overwhelming. Luckily, it won’t last long, as the average release lasts less than 2 minutes.

Release symptoms

You can experience: crying, shaking, shivering, sweating, heat, vomiting, gaging, screaming, uncontrolled laughter, etc. That said, it doesn’t have to be extreme at all; it can be very mild and short.

After-release symptoms

After a release, you might experience a headache, shortness of breath, or feel a bit weird. Your body had a stressor in it that has now been resolved (partially). The body needs to find a new balance.

Difficulty breathing

Some emotions have attached themselves to your lungs. Whenever you release part of it, breathing will seem weird. Maybe you have the feeling that you can’t properly catch a breath. This will fade away in a few days; don’t worry.

Grumpy, nagging, and becoming really negative or mean

When you have suppressed lots of anger, you might become aware of it, and you might think that being grumpy, mean, or nagging is a way to express the emotion. This is not the case. If this is where you are, then of course that is okay. But staying in this mode is not helpful, as you are not properly releasing the anger. It can cause you to become more tired over time. After a proper release, you will cry.

After a big emotional release

Take a few days off from the emotional healing work after a big release. Your body might need some time to settle. Maybe you notice a difference in how it feels and in your symptoms. A release will often lower your heart rate, and you need time to process things. Just lay down with yourself for a while, and don’t distract yourself. Take a few days off and enjoy life as best as you can.

Passive vs. active

Things will come up naturally; you don’t have to dig into your past. This digging can be very negative and create a downward spiral. Instead, remember that your body brings up what you are ready to release. Doing the emotional work will eventually teach you how to unconsciously not be in a state of resistance towards what you want to release right now.

Taking a break

After a few releases, take some time off. Focus on safety, happiness, and joy for a while.

Symptoms can go extreme.

When there is a lot coming to the surface, you can experience nightmares, pains, migraines, dizziness, and all kinds of extreme symptoms. This means that a particular emotion is surfacing, and your limbic brain freaks out and increases the symptoms. A proper release can be done together with a practitioner, and symptoms can dissolve pretty fast again. You can also use the guided sessions and try to go a little bit deeper.

Symptoms dissolve

It might seem very negative to do this emotional work when you read all of the above. The reason why this emotional work is popular in the Release community is that it can improve or dissolve your symptoms pretty fast. But it is not a technique that always gives you the same results. Sometimes you will feel sad for a few days; sometimes you will need to cry for a few days; and sometimes you will feel depressed for a few days. Let these feelings be and allow them. They don’t define who you are. They are like clouds, coming and going. Today is a sunny day, and tomorrow there might be rain. Did you know that it is normal for humans to have a different mood every other day? Every day, the same mood is a sign of emotional suppression. Let’s stop doing that. We must normalize feelings and tell the brain that they are okay.

I can’t connect to my inner child.
That’s okay. If you can find pressure in your body, you can just breathe through it. This will eventually dissolve the resistance. In the end, it is all about feelings. The story about ‘the age’, ‘the object’, ‘the shape’, and ‘the color’ is only intended to assist you in the beginning and may not always be feasible.
I am severely traumatized.
When you already know that lots of bad stuff happened to you in childhood, then be very gentle with yourself. Have empathy and compassion for every feeling and coping mechanism.
Not everybody can remember all the traumatic events from childhood, and if you discover some heavy feelings that you can’t hold space for, please seek additional help. The Release program is a self-help program that covers the most extreme feelings, emotions, trauma, and resistance mechanisms.
When something difficult comes up, take a moment to breathe through it first. Allow yourself to feel overwhelmed. It is not wise to make decisions in that state. If the overwhelm stays, please seek someone for help. I recommend seeing a somatic experience practitioner when things are getting extreme.

What does my inner child need?

Maybe one of the following things
  • attention
  • love
  • to be stroked on the back
  • to be seen
  • to speak its truth.
  • to be touched.
  • that you consider its needs to be yours.
  • that you value its perspective.
  • that you play with him or her in your imagination.
  • that you embody it for a while and make a drawing.
  • to run away.
  • to fight
  • a worthwhile shower with golden rain
  • kill itself or another version of you (imagined)
  • etc.

When is it ever over?

You can’t push or rush the emotional work. When you want to get through it as fast as possible, you are still giving your brain the message that the emotions and symptoms are dangerous, and then the brain wants to protect you with more symptoms. When people are in a rush, they often want to go back to their coping mechanisms to escape from feelings. These behaviors also tell the brain that the emotions are scary, and it wants to help you with symptoms.

Instead, have an open approach to the emotional work and see every increase in symptoms as an opportunity to discover what is there. Try to enjoy your life as best you can. Maybe accept that this emotional work is something you will do for the rest of your life. From experience, I can tell you that rushing in like a crazy man is counterproductive and will increase your symptoms. I still do emotional healing when something pops up. I do the work, have a release, and feel good again.

Emotional healing is about arriving at the present moment in your body and yourself. There is nowhere else you need to arrive, and there is no journey, just a distraction. Acceptance, self-love, gentleness, and enjoyment are the opposite of running away from yourself.

Some people have suppressed every emotion, boundary, or aspect of themselves for many decades. For this group of people, healing will take a bit longer. Imagine having rejected 99.9% of your being, and all you want is to go back to your old life via this program. You can see how this is impossible. The identification with the shallow version of yourself based on not being yourself is going to fall off, and this is a very painful process. Give yourself some time, space, and many breaks in between.

The root cause

Some emotions are secondary and keep coming back when you don’t look at the root underneath. If you keep giving yourself away to others, for example, you will develop emotions. If you release these emotions but keep doing the behavior, you are running in circles. The underlying root could be a deep pain of unworthiness and feeling unlovable. If this is too painful, your brain will do everything it can to keep you away from it.

It can also be that you are processing a wound from a different angle, haven’t processed it fully, or have just scraped the emotional pain (in this case, symptoms will increase).