FAQ and emotional traps

You are not your emotions!

They might be overwhelming sometimes, try to see if you can observe them. You are not your emotions, can you look at them in the eye of the storm?

I don’t manage to connect with my inner child, what should I do?

Don’t worry, It is not always easy at first. The sessions and tools from the program will make sure it will automatically happen over time. Don’t wait for a perfect connection before you want to continue. When emotions and internal stress comes up, it will help you to know about the other release tools that are in the further modules. Remember that the program is not about perfectionism.

My inner child is always happy

This is very normal in the beginning and happens to many people. The inner child can adapt itself to your needs. It will slowly over time soften and open up when you are working on your relationship with him or her. Don’t stall the program. Keep learning the tools.

Do I need a break from the program to master the tools?

No you don’t. But the 9th module is a bit different and staying there for a while to catch your breath can be a good idea.

You don’t need to heal an emotion

Healing means becoming whole again. The emotional work is about reconnecting with an aspect of you that is in pain. You will then feel the emotion and remove the resistance towards that aspect. The release is the resistance. Your resistance is the stressor. Your brain creates symptoms to protect you from an unwanted aspect of yourself, meaning you are at war with yourself.

How much time of doing the emotional work?

I suggest checking in with how you feel regularly. Feeling and breathing through your body is a great habit and I don’t consider this to be work. It’s a lot more effort to fight yourself and distract. Asking the questions can be some effort in the beginning but this is really just a tool to learn to feel your body. If you are a beginner, I would limit your time of learning the process and your journaling time to maximum 30 minutes. If you have a big trigger and a huge increase in symptoms, you can investigate a bit longer. Always take a few days off after a big release. Compensate the emotional work with lots and lots of joy.

Raw and simple emotions vs complicated thoughts.

Emotions are simple and often need only one or two words to be described, felt and released. Whenever you are creating a story you might be having one due to unconscious resistance towards feeling the emotion. Many people feel like they need reasoning to justify their feelings, but that reasoning doesn’t lead to a release.

Where is it in the body?

Anytime you hear yourself saying, “I feel …….) Stop thinking about it and find your feelings in your body. This is what I say to people in coachings all the time, until it annoys people. Talking about feelings is just another distraction and delay.

It is YOUR emotion or feeling

People often justify their feelings when they point to someone else. This is unhelpful, your feeling is yours and instead of talking about others, talk about yourself. After you have felt a feeling through, you can implement a new boundary that prevents a similar situation in the future, but maybe it was a very old feeling and it was just triggered. After a release, you will maybe be grateful for the trigger.

Emotions and decisions.

Never make a decision when you are emotional. This is probably another attempt to not feel it through. When you do this, you will throw away every stability in your life and become even more unpredictable than the weather. This will add more feelings of unsafety. Instead, feel it through and let it sink in for a few more days. After that you can concider a plan of action and use your rational mind to come to a solution.

Manipulation

In our society emotions are being used to control people. Making you experience an emotion via the news for example, can urge you to make a decision or consent to something that won’t be in your best interest. Be aware of this. Everything that will happen as a consequence is eventually nothing more than a coping mechanism to avoid a certain feeling.

Psycho-blockers, medication and drugs

Lots of medication and drugs block your emotions. Think about smoking weed and antidepressants as the most well known substances. Doing the internal work becomes harder. The fact that we need these substances already says a lot about the state we humans are in and the cause of the current diseases and symptoms.

Stopping medication abruptly can overwhelm you with your feelings and emotions. But you can maybe slightly lower your dose over time. Don’t start the tapering process just yet, When you are really overwhelmed because of feelings and emotions, things can become difficult. I recommend to at least learn all the tools before you start tapering your medication.

The great thing about doing the emotional release work is that you will need less medication. Talk with your GP or other experts about lowering the dose, if you have a hard time accessing your emotions.

Endless crying

For some of you, the emotions might flood and you will experience days of crying. I don’t think this is necessarily a bad thing. You can also develop old symptoms that you used to have but didn’t experience in some time. Think of migraines and depression. The best thing in this situation would be to seek help and get some confidence in the release process. I can support you in coaching and a somatic practitioner nearby is able to guide you through this phase.

You can see your body as a stress bucket, and the bucket can be as big as a swimming pool. After years of suppressing tears and stress, there might be a lot coming up. Be very kind to yourself and don’t push your emotions to come out fast. You have time. You can’t release everything at once. This will be too overwhelming for your system and you might have a relapse.

Therefore, stop journaling and stop creating a mental story around the emotions, but just sit with it.  Breathe through it. You don’t have to force yourself to stop crying after an hour, just let it be. Maybe you can distract yourself from your negative thoughts around it and go for a walk or make a painting, etc.

Remember you don’t have to do everything alone. Ask for help and support.

Malfunctioning organs

When emotions pop up, you can feel them in your body. They attach themselves to organs and you might experience some difficulty. Think about breathing difficulties, heart rate variability (POTS), bladder issues, kidney issues, limited liver capacity, (thyroid problems), etc.

Instead of panicking, the first thing that I would recommend doing is to connect with the emotion  and see if you can have an emotional release. Often it really means that the emotion is almost coming up and you only need some small effort to release the stressor. After 20-30 minutes, the issue might be resolved and you can save yourself a visit to the hospital.

There is another video about this topic in the 8th module.

Overwhelm

When you reconnect with the stressor it will almost always feel overwhelming in the beginning. Know that your brain has a very good reason to create symptoms. It perceives it as a danger because it is going to be overwhelming. Luckily it won’t last long as the average release lasts shorter than 2 minutes.

Release symptoms

You can experience: crying, shaking, shivering, sweats, heats, vomiting, gaging, screaming, uncontrolled laughter, etc. That said, it doesn’t have to be extreme at all and can be very mild and short.

After release symptoms

After a release you might experience a headache, shortness of breath or feeling a bit weird. Your body had a stressor in it that has now been resolved (partially). The body needs to find a new balance.

Difficulty breathing

Some emotions have attached themselves to your lungs. Whenever you release (part of) it, breathing will seem to be weird. Maybe you have the feeling that you can’t properly catch a breath. This will fade away in a few days, don’t worry.

Grumpy, nagging and becoming really negative / mean

When you have suppressed lots of anger, you might become aware of it and you think that being grumpy, mean, nagging is a way to express the emotion. This is not the case. If this is where you are, then that is of course okay. But staying in this mode is not helpful as you are not properly releasing the anger. It can cause you to become more tired over time. After a proper release, you will cry.

After a big emotional release

Take a few days off from the emotional healing work after a big release. Your body might need some time to settle. Maybe you notice a difference in how it feels and in your symptoms. A release will often lower your heart-rate and you need time to process things. Just lay down with yourself for a while and don’t distract. Take a few days off and enjoy life as best as you can.

Passive vs active

Things will come up naturally, you don’t have to dig into your past. This digging can be very negative and create a downward spiral. Instead, know that your body brings up what you are ready for to release. Doing the emotional work will eventually teach you how to unconsciously don’t be in a state of resistance towards that what wants to be released right now.

Taking a break

After a few releases, take some time off. Focus on safety, happiness and joy for while.

Symptoms can go extreme

When there is a lot coming to the surface, you can experience nightmares, pains, migraines, dizziness and all kinds of extreme symptoms. This means that a particular emotion is surfacing that and your limbic brain freaks out and increases the symptoms. A proper release can be done together with a practitioner and symptoms can dissolve pretty fast again. You can also use the guided sessions and try to go a little bit deeper.

Symptoms dissolve

It might seem very negative to do this emotional work when you read all of the above. The reason why this emotional work is popular in the Release community, is that it can improve or dissolve your symptoms pretty fast. But it is not a technique that always gives you the same results. Sometimes you will feel sad for a few days, sometimes you will need to cry for a few days and sometimes you will feel depressed for a few days. Let these feelings be and allow them. They don’t define who you are. They are like clouds, coming and going. Today is a sunny day and tomorrow there might be rain. Did you know that it is normal for humans to have a different mood every other day? Every day the same mood is a sign of emotional suppression. Let’s stop doing that. We have to normalize feelings and tell the brain that feelings are okay.

I can’t connect to my inner child
That’s okay. If you can find a pressure in your body you can just breathe through it. This will eventually dissolve the resistance. In the end it is all about feeling. The story about the age, object, shape, color is just to help you in the beginning and won’t always be possible.
I am severely traumatized
When you already know that lots of bad stuff happened to you in childhood, then be very gentle with yourself. Have empathy and compassion for every feeling and coping mechanism.
Not everybody can remember all the traumatic events from childhood and if you discover some heavy feelings that you can’t hold space for, please seek additionary help. The Release program is a self help program that covers most extreme feelings, emotions, trauma and resistance mechanisms.
When something difficult comes up, take a moment to breathe through it first. Allow yourself to feel the overwhelm. It is not wise to make decisions in that state. If the overwhelm stays, please seek someone for help. I recommend seeing a Somatic experience practisioner when things are getting extreme.

What does my inner child need?

Maybe one of the following things
  • attention
  • love
  • to be stroked on the back
  • to be seen
  • to speak its truth
  • to be touched
  • that you consider its needs as yours
  • that you value its perspective
  • that you play with him or her in your imagination
  • that you embody it for a while and make a drawing
  • to run away
  • to fight
  • a worthiness shower with golden rain
  • kill itself or another version of you (imagined)
  • etc.

When is it ever over?

You can’t push or rush the emotional work. When you want to get through it as fast as possible, you are still giving your brain the message that the emotions and symptoms are dangerous and then the brain wants to protect you with more symptoms. When people are in a rush, they often want to go back to their coping mechanisms to escape from feelings. These behaviors also tell the brain that the emotions are scary and it wants to then help you with symptoms.

Instead have an open approach to the emotional work and see every increase in symptoms as an opportunity to discover what is there. Try to enjoy your life as best you can. Maybe accept that this emotional work is something you will do for the rest of your life. From experience I can tell you that rushing in like a crazy man is counterproductive and will increase your symptoms. I still do emotional healing when something pops up, I do the work, have a release and feel good again.

Emotional healing is about arriving in the present moment in your body and yourself. There is nowhere else you need to arrive and there is no journey, just a distraction. Acceptance, self-love, gentleness and enjoyment are the opposite from running away from yourself.

Some people have suppressed every emotion, boundary or aspect of themselves for many decades. For this group of people, healing will take a bit longer. Imagine having rejected 99,9% of your being and all you want is to go back to your old life via doing this program. you can see how this is impossible. The identification with the shallow version of yourself based on not being yourself, is going to fall off and this is a very painful process. Give yourself some time and space and many breaks in between.

The root cause

Some emotions are secondary and keep coming back when you don’t look at the root underneath. If you keep giving yourself away to others for example, you will develop emotions. If you release these emotions, but keep doing the behavior you are running in circles. The underlying root could be a deep pain of unworthiness and feeling unlovable. If this is too painful, your brain will do everything it can to keep you away from this pain.

It can also be that you are processing a wound from a different angle, haven’t processed it fully or you just scraped the emotional pain (in this case symptoms will increase)