In the summer of 2017 I was at my rock bottom. I could not sleep, talk, understand what people were saying, walking was difficult and opening my eyes was too painful. I remember lying in bed and becoming aware of all my thoughts. I still had a busy mind, but I started to see the uselessness of my mind. There was nothing I could do with all of it. It was at that moment where I decided to give up on all my thoughts. I developed the ‘here now self method’ and completely surrendered to the present moment. I started using my senses and my mind calmed down really fast. After 45 minutes in that state, I could open my eyes and I even went for a little walk. I loved the calmness from that state of presence and I committed to it for a full 6 months. I declined every thought and focussed only on ‘here now self’. I don’t recommend doing this for anyone as I was too extreme btw.
I was still very weak and dependent on sleep medication, but things started improving rapidly. Within 6 months I booked a trip to Thailand. I thought I had fully healed at that time. Unfortunately for younger Daniel, I was just starting to.
During this state I wrote the following blog:
Falling in love with the present moment
When do you dance to a song? When it is playing, or when it is finished? What if life is supposed to be like music and you should dance while it’s playing. If 1st grade is only a preparation to 2nd grade, school in general only preparation of your career, and in a career you need to make quota’s to eventually provide for your old age, you will then realise at an old age that life was supposed to be danced on. Life is not a to do list that you can feel relieved from when its crossed away on the list.
Some people say life flies away before their eyes. Of course this is an illusion as time doesn’t exist. What causes the illusion of time flying more rapidly when we grow older?
Thousands of years ago, the mixture of two ancient gods from the old Greeks and the old Egyptians, Hermes Trismegistus, said the following: “He who doesn’t take the time to admire the beautiful flower next to the road will be punished, he will find that the time will fly away. But he who still allows himself the beauty of existence will be rewarded with infinity.”
Time is an illusion made by the mind. There are circular movements in the present moment, if a timeline would exist, it should be a time circle. A circle where everything is repeating. Life comes and slowly falls apart. Your current shape is now, in the future death is waiting for the shape that you identify with. Becoming present in the present moment is the way to get rid of the illusion of time, and thus becoming more aligned with our own being and allowing the void to come into our awareness. You will stop living on stress hormones and might even look younger.
Every thought about the future and the past is experienced in the now. There is no beginning nor an end to the moment of now. You have never been in the past, you have never been in the future. Nobody has ever been there. That is because it doesn’t exist. Even if you would go to the past, you would experience the past in the present moment.
The eternal now has several qualities, its, peaceful, full of acceptance, it is timeless, joyous, spacious, allowing, caring, non-judgemental, it has the touch of oneness, it brings satisfaction, gratification, grace, compassion, feeling pleasurable, delightful, and everything feels softly. All together in a deep presence. Together these aspects might be called unconditional love. This is the kind of love that is at the building block of what we call life. It is like there is always an ocean inside of you, influenced by waves and storms and all of a sudden the water becomes completely flat without a wrinkle.
I wonder why people don’t worship ‘the now’ massively. If you cannot allow yourself to be in this state of being, you are missing out. Of course for the stressful mind this moment can rarely exist, and if it does, it’s merely an obstacle to overcome.
Become present and maybe all it takes is one moment that makes you fall out of your stressful habits. Our habits had the purpose of keeping you away from the stress in our bodies. After you have addressed most of it, you probably won’t change right away. Habits are too strong for that to happen. But sometimes you will have a short moment where everything that you normally see looks weird. Maybe for a few seconds only, they become more and more and eventually you will fall into grace. It is not a special experience, it is so random that it’s easily overlooked and filled up with clouds of thoughts. Are you starting to see more colors?
Maybe I had to lose touch with it, so that I would appreciate it even more once I am back, back at myself, whatever I might be. In the state of newness, your thoughts become more relaxed, as you realise the pointlessness of theories, desires, concepts and strategies for the future. Because you already have the result your mind wants in the future. In this way you are going beyond thoughts. Most thoughts we have are a way to escape from our body and its difficult feelings. A busy mind is a good signal that there is a stressor that wants to be released. After a release your mind calms down naturally, you will experience the qualities of the eternal now again.
In order to seek these beautiful qualities in the non-existent frame of time, our mind has to come up with fakes. A fraud to produce a feeling of happiness. Of course they cannot even come close to the experience of ‘the now’. But one can say people often talk about joy that they haven’t experienced. If a small glimpse of now shines through, the ego likes to claim the victory.
Some of the ego’s substitutions for now are; possession, rituals and accomplishments. The thing you once enjoyed will be your prison when you want to own it. A ritual can give you a glimpse of the world beyond the mind, but by giving the ritual the power, you will become enslaved by the ritual. You would want to become someone in the world in the form of accomplishments, but every accomplishment, ritual or possession can only give you a short release of the mind’s cramped condition . If you don’t know the real experience of joy, life will become small and petty. The mind will come up with projects like, marriage, getting children, getting the promotion, buying a new bathroom or kitchen, or escapism strategies like binge-watching, intellectual amusement, holidays, alcohol & drugs, and so on. Life will become shallow. It’s a trap like being caught in a maze without exits. You will find yourself in a brand new bathroom without enjoyment. You will find yourself on a beach without the ability to enjoy it. Maybe you will start making pictures to capture a moment you were never in at the first place. And if you still haven’t found what you were looking for after your mid-life crisis, you might become numb. The only way to escape the maze is to get into the moment, find out what you really are, the opposite of ratio. Become present and it will be like a two-dimensional body that was trying to escape the two-dimensional maze, will become a three-dimensional body and steps out of the maze without any effort.
If you emerge in the now, you will find yourself falling deeper and deeper into your own being. It’s a lovely process, what we were meant to do in a lifetime. Life doesn’t stop, it is merely the beginning. From that point on you are really playing the game. When you emerge into the now you will feel like you are in love. Nobody can tell, yet you know everything changed. Do you still take time to admire birds, ducks or tree’s? Or has your mind succeeded in keeping you away from yourself and the moment of now? We will dive deeper in the mind’s strategy in the rest of the program.