Can you heal with positive thinking?

While you are trying to heal from any chronic illness, you might have encountered or tried the positive thinking approach. Chances are it didn’t work when you were reading this. Before I got ill, I mastered the positive thinking lifestyle, and truth be told, I have had some amazing results with it. Unfortunately, it didn’t bring me the peace, connection, safety, and love that I craved most. Instead, I have felt lonely and unsafe my whole life. Even when I was in amazing circumstances with lots of people around me, I still felt lonely. To avoid all these “negative” feelings, it caused me to make strategies to achieve it somewhere in the near future. The day before I got sick, however, I realized that all my approaches to achieving love and connection didn’t work that way, and I was ready to give up on my successful positive character, not that I would have formulated it that way back then.

Can you heal with positive thinking?

From positive thinking to reality

While you are trying to heal from any chronic illness, you might have encountered or tried the positive thinking approach. Chances are, it didn’t work when you were reading this. Before I got ill, I mastered the positive thinking lifestyle, and truth be told, I have had some amazing results with it. Unfortunately, it didn’t bring me the peace, connection, safety, and love that I craved most. Instead, I have felt lonely and unsafe my whole life. Even when I was in amazing circumstances with lots of people around me, I still felt lonely. To avoid all these “negative” feelings, it caused me to make strategies to achieve it somewhere in the near future. The day before I got sick, however, I realized that all my approaches to achieving love and connection didn’t work that way, and I was ready to partially give up on my successful positive character, not that I would have formulated it that way back then.

What I also didn’t realize was that all my tactics to achieve my desires were coping mechanisms. My parents were very demanding of me as a child, and in lots of other ways, my family was very dysfunctional. I continued to apply the pressure I had felt as a child to myself as an adult. This is called the “demanding parent coping mechanism.” As a child, I never experienced unconditional love. It was something that both of my parents were unable to give, as they had never experienced unconditional love themselves. There was a lot of violence and emotional neglect at home, and when I cried or became angry, the message always was, “There is no reason to cry!” “There is no reason to be angry!” I had to suppress my emotions and commit to the conditions of their love to gain acceptance from the family. As an adult, I have suppressed my feelings of loneliness, unsafety, and unworthiness. I even felt ashamed for my feelings, and I buried them deep down, thinking I would never feel them again. Although I rationally understood that these feelings were not true, my emotional body kept feeling this way, and I’ve used every tactic to ignore them.

Positive thinking is a stressful coping mechanism that makes healing harder

Positive thinking serves as a coping strategy, as it involves burying one’s head in the sand and acting as if nothing is wrong. Meanwhile, I adopted the demanding parent strategy for myself and looked for love, peace of mind, and connection in the world. My inner child taught me that to meet these needs, I needed to excel at everything I was doing. I have asked a lot of myself in my life. The skills that I have forced myself to learn are incredible. People often say I am talented, but in reality, I have just been very demanding of myself.

In 2016, I watched a YouTube movie by Teal Swan, who said that the reason for having ME/CFS is chronically doing things you don’t want to do. Back then, I was angry about this video. It felt like she didn’t take me seriously. Now I realize that she was absolutely right.

Many people with ME/CFS have had similar experiences to my own in life. Adopting a positive-thinking lifestyle, in my eyes, makes our suffering even greater. For many, the original message from the movie “The Secret,” which talks about positive thinking and the law of attraction, is a good step in the early stages of spirituality. But after a while, it’s just another coping mechanism, and we became ill because of coping mechanisms! Every person with ME/CFS is pleased to receive any form of protocol that will heal us, usually though we are looking in the wrong direction. We have to accept that we are ill because of our demanding coping mechanisms, not because of a virus or a fatty liver. Stress, a psychosomatic symptom, leads to groggy fatigue. Our goal should be to reduce stress; we can do this by becoming aware of coping mechanisms. Our bodies literally can’t take it anymore. But when I was bedbound, I felt guilty for not being able to use my coping mechanisms. I was thinking about the things I should be doing. This is still too stressful for the body; we need to let it go.

Some people seem to focus on the negative instead of the positive; this is also a coping strategy, as these people usually had parents who were only able to give them “negative attention.” The child who needs attention has learned this strategy over time and still applies it in adult life. During their youth, the parents of these children often learned the same strategy. If someone becomes aware of these patterns of looking for negativity, they might judge their own behavior and try to suppress it. This is unfortunately counterproductive and even more stressful for the body. The behavior itself is a coping mechanism to suppress feelings of lack; by suppressing a suppression technique, we add more stress to the nervous system. Too much accumulated stress leads to symptoms and auto-immune conditions.

Growing up emotionally and spiritually

We are ready to leave the early spiritual stages behind and go on a deeper journey. In the beginning, we judge. negativity, and we try to attract positivity. But who decides what positive and negative are? It is probably still a memory of our parents, who wanted us to conform but were unable to connect with us emotionally. We must abandon the state of unity and embrace stress by definition in order to determine what is positive and what is negative. In reality, there is no such thing as positivity, nor is there negativity. There is no right, and there is no wrong. This is a dualistic and stressful view. A simpler example would be hot and cold, or day and night. As black-and-white as these labels might seem, they leave no space for transitions or the gray area. In reality, everything is gray and nuanced. I have found people with ME/CFS to have a lot of black-and-white thoughts. Whenever you find yourself doing this, try to be more nuanced in your opinions. Thinking patterns that are black-and-white or all-or-nothing indicate stress or trauma.

The negative feelings in my emotional body came from a very young phase in my life. I am a twin who was born prematurely. I spent my first month of life in an incubator, separated from my mother and my twin sister. From being with three in the womb to being alone for weeks within a few hours. My feelings of loneliness and abandonment originated during this period. What do you do to a crying premature baby? Have you tried to make sense of it? Or do you pick it up and comfort it, giving it love and acceptance? For the emotional body, I have been a premature baby most of my life in the area of loneliness. I couldn’t move on as the needs of the baby hadn’t been met. Since I was able to work on this, I have grown a little bit emotionally.

In the world of real spirituality, they don’t condemn anything anymore; instead, we try to embrace the two opposing sides of a duality and create a feeling of oneness again. Oneness is the place where opposites meet each other and dissolve. Oneness is the foundation of the universe and who we are.

Whenever a so-called spiritual teacher tells you to heal a chronic illness with a positive mindset, it makes me angry. Not only have they no idea about what is going on, nor do they know oneness. They also instill in you a sense of worthlessness and guilt, as if your illness is solely your own fault. r own fault. LooLooking around the world, we see a lot of this approach. We condemn homeless people for being lazy; sick people aren’t positive enough; poor people have a lack of character; it’s all so easy. What adWhat advice would you give a chronically ill person? Let them focus even more on gratitude and positive thinking. Instead of following the self-help gurus who have never experienced ME/CFS themselves, we should learn from recovery stories. They are usually pretty nuanced.

Instead of being demanding of ourselves, we need to learn to be playful and have fun. Take care of the emotionally abandoned child inside, release our stress, and learn to think and label less!